Last Goodbye (KdM Map game)

Description
Second part of a romantic story involving Hildr (Astrid Kjær) and her close friend, Krista. Written by Luka.

First part here: https://thefutureofeuropes.fandom.com/wiki/Last_Dance_(KdM_Map_game)

Warning: Yuri Tension

Last Goodbye
Thirty years have passed since that day.

Many things have changed. Some time later, I was appointed to an official position in Molde, serving as the chief of guard. I got married and had a calm if somewhat mundane life. Our old training site in Oslo has reportedly closed just a year or two ago after its last disciple departing and the Instructor retiring.

After Astrid left, we occasionally exchange letters; however, the fact that she was constantly on the move means any communication effort would take months, if not years, to reach. Nonetheless, there was this one time when stories of “Hildr”’s - the same as a valkyrie personifying battle - exploits in Berlin during the Daevite invasion, and from physical descriptions, it must have been her.

Our last “talk” was a decade ago when she wrote to me saying that she was in Britain. Afterwards, I never heard from her again. Until recently.

“Mother, a messenger delivered a letter earlier today.”

My daughter’s words piqued my interest. We had not received anything outside of Molde for quite some time, and naturally, news of a message got me thinking.

“Who is it from?” I questioned.

“It seems that the writer is one Fiete Kjær. If I recall correctly, this surname bears resemblance to you, doesn’t it?”

Perhaps a relative or descendant of Astrid?

'''“Indeed. Uh… what does it say?”'''

“The writer wants us to travel to London as soon as possible, and there is important news."

"Is that so…"

I looked at the letter. It was written on parchment paper, and the writing seemed somewhat hurried, yet concise. Information about Astrid, perhaps, I thought. But if so, why didn't she write it herself?

After some time pondering, I turned to my daughter, and declared, "Irene, get ready. We're leaving for London."

We boarded a cargo ship departing Molde for the Frangleterran capital with few belongings. The three-week voyage was somewhat uneventful, coupled with overall pleasant wind and weather. As the ship docked in the river Thames and the personnel abroad disembarked, we were greeted with the sight of the capital city, London. Hard to believe they are at war right now.

And right then, it occurred to me: It was difficult communicating anything here without knowing the language. As a result, Irene and I wasted an entire day wandering around London, reduced to hand signs, gestures and basic Germanic words for asking directions. We managed to find a small military outpost at the city outskirts by dusk, and when questioned, a gaunt-looking soldier responded:

"As far as I know, Knight Kjær isn’t here at the moment. You may have to stay the night.”

With no other alternative, we stopped by a tavern and rested.

The next day, we returned to the camp and were met by a cadre of guards, who stopped us just outside. One of them looked at me intensely, then glanced at Irene, as if suspicious.

"You are…" he asked, then paused for a second. "Krista Solheim from Molde, no?"

I nodded.

"And who is this young lady, if I may ask?"

"She's my daughter," I responded. "Anything else?"

"Uh…" he stuttered. "As far as I know, Knight Kjær sent a letter, correct?"

"Indeed."

I took the letter from my personal pouch and was about to hand it to him for inspection when there was a clear female voice ringing from behind.

"Pardon my intrusion, ladies and gentlemen," said the figure - a female swordbearer, seemingly in her early twenties. Her upper body was cladded in iron armour, attached with tassets; and underneath them, some dark-coloured fabric. She had peaches-and-cream skin, her eyes gleaming a silver shade, and her hair, shoulder-length and snow white. She was a beauty, and appearance-wise, she very much resembled Astrid in her teenage years.

“Fiete Kjær, knight of Queen Artoria, pleasure to meet you.”

She extended her hand forward. “Lady Solheim, I presume?”

“Indeed,” I responded, shaking her hand. “Are you, by any chance...”

“I’m her niece,” she interjected, her voice immediately changing into a somewhat anxious tone afterwards. '''“It’s why I asked you to come here in the first place. I have some… concerning news.”'''

I pressed her for more.

“I don’t exactly… know how to break this to you.”

She delayed. What is it about Astrid that she couldn’t speak?

“Well, you see, my aunt…” Fiete said as she started to tear up. “She… she died… six weeks ago.”

Her words shook me. I hadn’t heard from Astrid for a decade, and when I eventually did, she was gone? This couldn’t be real, right?

I grabbed Fiete by the shoulders and asserted, “You can’t be serious, right?”

“I… I’m afraid I am,” she sobbed. '''“She died in battle. I was there… in her final moments… I’m sorry…”'''

Before she even finished, I started tearing up myself. Distraught as I was, having to witness her own flesh and blood perish must have been difficult for her. I embraced her, trying to console the devastated knight.

“It’s not your fault,” I comforted her while holding her in my arms, her tears wetting my shoulder. “Although I have to say… Thank you… for informing me…”

“Lady Solheim…”

We held each other and cried together right in front of the camp, and at some point, I could feel Irene holding my hand. It was a while before I eventually released her. Her face was wet, covered in her own tears, evidently dejected.

“Lady Solheim…” she called for me. “Would you mind… seeing her again?”

I was surprised. “Really?”

'''“I could take you to where she… rested. If you don’t mind.”'''

“It’s alright,” I responded. “I have a few things I have to tell her.”

For the next two days, we traversed the British countryside on a horse-drawn wagon provided by the camp. It was a quiet trip, with only the sound of the vehicle itself and the occasional wind rattling disturbing us. Fiete seemed to have stopped crying, her face sporting a melancholic feeling; on her shoulder rested Irene, whose hand still firmly holding mine. I stayed awake for most of the ride, my mind clouded with mixed thoughts about Astrid - what would I even say to her? - only managing to catch a few naps.

We stopped at a quaint town in an afternoon, where a cathedral can be seen from the wagon. Fiete nudged me, and I inquired, "We're there?"

"This is the town of Salisbury, just a short distance away from the site of the battle. Also where I laid her to rest."

She then turned around to my daughter.

"I'll be back shortly. In the meantime, please wait here," she said, receiving a nod in response. "Please come, Lady Solheim."

The two of us left the transport as she led me towards a marked gravestone, metres away from the cathedral. If anything, its surface was with Astrid's name, years of birth and death, and other things, surely making this her resting place.

"This should be it," Fiete said. "It still hurts thinking about it, you know? I will leave you here so you can, perhaps, say something to her."

"Thank you."

"Right, Lady Solheim. Please return to the wagon by sunset."

"I see."

Shortly after my response, she retreated to the vehicle, perhaps reuniting with Irene.

I turned towards the grave. Here it was, my dearest friend's final resting place.

Would she be able to hear what I want to let out?

I took a deep breath, and after a moment of hesitation, started to speak.

"Hey, Astrid. We haven't seen each other for quite a long time, have we?"

I paused a little, perhaps awaiting a reply, despite knowing there wouldn't be one.

"I came here with little forethought on Fiete's letter, hoping I can finally see you again, you know? Perhaps I was too optimistic. Perhaps I shouldn't have expected it. Yet I am still here, trying to convey my thoughts to you.

'''For the last thirty years, I have been waiting, longing for your return. Many things have happened to me, but I always await that day when you would come back by my side, as you have promised, but you didn’t come back."'''

I delayed, then cried out,''' “Why, Astrid? Why didn’t you think of returning? Why? I didn’t even hear from you for the last ten years! At least you could’ve sent me something!”'''

After letting that out, I calmed myself down a bit before continuing.

'''“Perhaps I’ve judged you too harshly since I couldn’t have known what was going on. Perhaps you have your own reasons, and I don’t think I can blame you for that.'''

'''But, you know, after all this time, my feelings for you never changed. What I thought of you was the same as it has been since you left. I did promise I will tell you when you come back, but since it came to this, maybe I should say it right here. I hope you can hear me up there, wherever you are."'''

Tears began to roll down my face as I prepared to let out my feelings: what I kept to myself for thirty years, readied to be let out.

"I like you, Astrid," I said, sniffling. "...no, I love you. I have always loved you. I just… never managed to… make myself say it… until now."

I came closer to the gravestone, went down on my knees and wrapped my hands around it. From then on, I started sobbing uncontrollably, while continuing.

'''“From the moment you confessed to me…, no, even before that…, I have already felt an affection for you. I know back then, we were just close friends, but I fell head over heels for you. It’s just… I couldn’t bring it up and say it, even when you finally made the move. I appreciate it when you disclosed your emotions since I know you felt the same way I do, but…”'''

I placed a kiss, one drenched in tears, on the cold gravestone.

'''“I didn’t reveal it back then, and I have regretted it ever since. If I could just turn back time, I would have done it differently. Perhaps I would've had you by my side that way, but I reckon there is no use feeling contrite over this. I'm just hoping… hoping we will meet again… and if we do, I hope I can make it right for you."'''

It was then when I remembered something. I reached for my pocket and pulled out a precious item - the pendant necklace Astrid gave me the day she left as ‘a token of our friendship'. For all those years, it had endured some scratch marks, but the reflection it gave out was still as shiny as ever, even with its original owner departing from this world. I gave it one last look, reminisced about the old times, and started digging out a hole from the ground underneath.

"Do you remember this, Astrid? It's the adornment you gave me just before you left. It must have hurt having to just refer to me as a friend after I turned down your confession, right? I can't really blame you for that, can I?

'''Back then, you gifted me this perhaps as friends, and now I am returning the pendant to you, hoping as something more than just alter egos of one another, because… our relationship was greater than that. Once again… I love you. I always have."'''

I wiped the jewel on the necklace clean, kissed its surface and buried it alongside Astrid, trying to make the spot as nondescript as I could to prevent anyone from stealing it.

I slowly stood up, wiped my tears and looked at the sky. The sun was already on the horizon; it was sunset. Time to return and rest somewhere, I suppose. But before that, there's one last thing I have to do.

"Hey Asta," I said. "It's getting late right now, and I'm afraid I can't stay any longer. Looks like it's goodbye for now. I'll visit you again if I have the chance."

I walked away, but not before casting one last glance at the grave, whispering "I love you."

When I returned to the carriage, what I saw before all was Fiete sleeping quietly, her head resting on my daughter's lap. Irene seemed fairly content, and when she saw me, she gave me a smile.

“So, Mother, how did it go?”

'''“I would have prefered to meet her in the flesh but nonetheless… I managed to get my feelings out. It feels strange keeping it to myself this long.”'''

I looked at the white-haired knight, still deep in her slumber, then continued.

"Has she been like this since I got out?"

"Not exactly. I talked with Fiete a little beforehand. She didn't seem to have gotten over her aunt's death yet, and from our conversation, I reckon it would be some time until she eventually does."

Irene moved her hand, gently combing Fiete's hair with her fingers, careful to not abruptly wake her up.

'''“She has had hardly any sleep since we departed London, so I let her use my lap as a pillow. It’s quite the sensation, if I must say. Besides, she looks rather adorable in her sleep, don't you think?”'''

"Is that so…"

Her sleeping figure was almost mesmerising; it was as if she was a beautiful princess from a faraway land. Seeing her like this reminded me of the nights I spent alongside Astrid in the quarters of the training ground, a more tranquil and peaceful time.

Alas, it was dusk. I asked my daughter to wake her up and inform me of my return, and we ended up staying the night in a tavern in Salisbury. As we were settling down and preparing for rest, Fiete nudged me, making some gestures suggesting she had something to talk about.

"What is it?" I questioned.

"You see, Lady Solheim. After Aunt Astrid's passing, I returned to London to sort out her belongings. You know, journals, diaries, logs, the like and amongst them, I found a letter. Admittedly I peeked into the first few words to see who it was for, and it seems my aunt wrote it shortly before the battle, planning to have it sent to you. At the least, please read it."

I took a look at the letter she held in her hands, before taking it and thanking her. With the two girls sleeping, I went to the tavern's balcony so as not to disturb them, and with only the light from an overhanging lantern, I opened the letter.

It started with "Dear Krista." The handwriting was evidently Astrid's. It seems Fiete was right, the letter was for me.

"By the time you read this, I might have already departed from this world. This might be my last letter, and I want to put down what I've been thinking over this whole time. 

''For the last three decades, I have been travelling around the continent. There were good and bad times, as is everything. I have gotten myself involved in several wars, including that time in Berlin against the Daevites. I travelled to Frangleterre around ten years ago, maybe, and have settled here since. ''

''I know what you have in mind, Krista. You would want to question me, 'why have you never thought about coming back?' I did think about returning to Vestkyst, or I used to. But I couldn’t.''

''Why? I couldn’t muster the courage to come home and hear what you wanted to say about my confession. I never could. You’ve already turned me down once, and I don’t reckon I could take another rejection. It was heartbreaking for me, and I hope you can understand how I felt after that. And so, I went from one place to another, just to run away from you because I was not brave enough to hear your thoughts, year after year, until decades have passed. I don't blame you for being angry at me, since I can understand where it comes from."''

At least you didn't hate me for turning you down, though I really should have said what I truly feel. But, Asta, you could've just come and visit me once… Just once would do. I'm really mad at you for not returning, you know?

The letter continues.

"I can't deny I have been avoiding your response this whole time because I was scared, but my feelings for you remain faithful, even now. I love you, Krista. I have and will always love you. There would be sleepless nights when I keep thinking of you no matter where I am. Whenever I received a letter from you, I'd be happy you are doing well back home, yet also cursing myself for my own cowardice. Even after three decades, my love for you has not wavered even one bit."

Tears started to roll down my eyes, drop by drop. You still love me, after all that time, seeing all those people?

"I am embroiled in a certain conflict in Britain right now, but I may look into returning after the next battle. As I'm writing this, I am already packing up for the battle. I don't know how anything will go, yet I am hopeful about a prospect of coming back. By then, I'm hoping you haven't given up on me yet, since I will be back for you."

It's disappointing that whatever you planned for a return is now just a fantasy. There is no way we will be reunited, at least in this lifetime.

"Lastly, Krista, if my absence has caused you any pain, I'm sincerely sorry. I hope you can forgive me. 

Love, Astrid."

As the letter ended, I started crying uncontrollably. I have already let my emotions out earlier, but hearing a 'response' from her evoked another wave of feelings overwhelming me. That night, I ended up crying myself to sleep, my thoughts filled with images of her. It wasn't the best sleep I've had, but the dreams I had were something comforting.

The next two days passed in silence as the three of us travelled back to London on the carriage. We stopped at a port, and as the ship was coming, Fiete came toward me and spoke, "Lady Solheim, I assume this is goodbye?"

"Perhaps," I responded. '''"I may come back later to visit her place once more when the stars align. Salisbury, right?" She nodded. "When you return to Vestkyst, would you mind doing me a favour?"'''

"Of course. What is it you wish?"

"Please inform my family in Oslo of Aunt Astrid's death. The news certainly will shock some people, but I think they at least deserve to know."

I pondered a little over the request, before accepting, "I'll see what I can do."

It was then when she grabbed and shook my hand with force.

"Thank you," she spoke, before letting go. "I bid you farewell then, Lady Solheim. Safe journey."

She gave me a hug before returning to the carriage. I turned to my daughter and lightly nudged her, signalling it was time to leave.

"Mother, I…" she delayed. "I want to stay here with Fiete."

"Why?" I asked, surprised.

"I think with her aunt's death having a significant effect on her, she could use a companion to share her feelings whenever she needs, someone to lend an ear to. Besides…"

"Besides?"

"I think I have taken a liking to her. In our conversations, I found a certain synergy between us, and perhaps I have fallen for her."

Like mother, like daughter, I suppose.

“But what if she doesn’t accept your feelings?”

“It doesn’t matter to me if it’s one-sided, I’ll stay by her side and help her out either way.”

She's already made up her mind, hasn't she?

"If you are so insistent, I don't think I have a choice," I said, resigned, as I held Irene to an embrace. "You have my blessing. Take care of yourself out there, my dear daughter. Look out for Fiete, too."

"I sure will."

I kept her in my arms for a few moments, before releasing her and leaving for the ship. While standing on its tail, I could hear my daughter shouting, "I'll come back and visit one day!"

I hope so.

From a distance, I spotted Irene uniting with Fiete at the site of the carriage, waving at me as I waved back. Moments later, the ship set sail, and I prepared myself for another three-week voyage home.

I looked up to the sky, on my mind was my close friend, my daughter, and the knight whose hair was as white as snow. Astrid, keep them safe, won't you?